Friday, August 3, 2012

The Olympics 2012: The Slut Volleyball Player


Because my sense of everything didn’t mature past the age of 12, I said in a previous post that South Korean archer Im Dong-Hyun (that’s “Im Dong” for short or “I’m Don Juan” for long) should win the gold medal for best name at the Olympics. I take that back. Im Dong-Hyun has dropped down to silver and gold goes to American Olympic volleyball player: DESTINEE HOOKER!

If Quentin Tarantino directed a Bond movie, the main Bond girl’s name would be Destinee Hooker. Some people have been saying that Destinee Hooker’s parents did her wrong by naming her Destinee Hooker. But I’m saying the opposite. Why wouldn’t you give your daughter a gold medal-winning name like Destinee Hooker? If my last name was Hooker, I’d have kids JUST so I could name them Destinee Hooker, TJ Hooker, Dai Shif Hooker, Happy Hooker, and on and on and on...

(“Oh, so this is the reason why we secretly spike all of Joey’s booze with sterilization shit* and have permanently put him on the DO NOT LET THIS BITCH ADOPT ANYTHING EVEN A TAMAGOTCHI list.” –The Government)

* exact scientific term

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